How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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