Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My vagina is officially offended.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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