no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
