My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
