I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
