i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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