if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
