I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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