I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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