just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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