he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
