"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
