My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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