can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
