I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
