She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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