i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
