I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
