I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
