My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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