I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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