Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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