There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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