i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
