please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize