I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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