Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
