Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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