pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
God I need to hump something, right now.
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