i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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