Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
