He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
