somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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