I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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