i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
