she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
