:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
