I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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