he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
