I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
