Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
