DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
