just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
