Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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