just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
