Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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