Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
