Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
