Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
