i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
