laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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