i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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