took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
