Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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