apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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