just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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