Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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