ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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