WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
