I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize