Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
