farters have to be the big spoon...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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