somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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