gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
