his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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