if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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