What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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