There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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