so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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