Define "chronic" masturbator.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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