now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
